Local radio station, KQMS, has offered "real" candidates equal time on their airwaves to state their cases regarding their candidacy for Redding's City Council.
FACT: IPP candidate, Philbert D. Cartoonist, has not been contacted, telepathically or otherwise, to participate in this forum.
Is this a fair election? Can a candidate, just because he's not on the ballot, be ignored? Dismissed? Is this America, or is it the SoBeIt Bunion? We know the answer to that, does KQMS???
Sure, he's an imaginary person, but what exactly is radio? Pulsating waves intercepted by a device that translates these invisible signals into audible linguistic communication? Does that sound likely? I think not. Since radio probably doesn't exist, what makes our candidate any different? He probably doesn't exist either but is he any less real? Does he not prick if he's bled? Does he not put his pantaloons on one limb at a time? Wherefore doth he trod if he doth not trod upon the oscillating airwaves of the mind?
Note to KQMS: We're Unclear, We're Not Here, But Neither Are You — Get Used To Us! We respectfully request you bequeath unto Our Candidate access to your Magic Box and your radio station for the sole purpose of spreading his message like manure upon the field. What's fair for the moose is fair for the panderer. And the Elks and others of their ilk. Do what's right and write-in our write-in right into your programming schedule. You'll be sorry you did, and so will we.
Thank you.
Harry Ames, Jr.
Campoon Manager
Imaginary Peoples Party (a wholly disowned subsidiary of the Nat'l Surrealist Light People's Party)
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